My Family and resolving issues
And me the Jury, the Judge and the Executioner... and shaking that tree!
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Ma Anand Nirad Verbeek-Heemskerk | Jan Frigge | Tischa Sterre Frigge | Anjori Boskamp Frigge | Mijn familie,de Flappies | Onvoltooid Verleden Tijd | ShanT childhood |
My parents are criminals and me sitting on their doorstep (virtually) This is me explaining my actions. As in so many family's there are issues. My family seems to have the lesser subtle ones. Compared to others they might seem heavy, to others mild, but non the less we all seem to work on them, each our own way. ShanT
Soms dan doet vroeger opeens pijn
Sluipt ongemerkt diep in mijn zijn
Dan valt de tijd stil en ik ben
Terug op die plekken, die ik ken
Die plekken die ik nooit vergeet
Vervuld van mijn verleden leed
Die plekken waar ik niet wil zijn
Soms doet mijn vroeger opeens pijn
Dan wordt de kleinste druk te veel
Grijpt weer die onmacht naar mijn keel
Dan stokt mijn adem en ik snak
Naar lucht en ruimte maar ik pak
Een sigaret of een glas wijn
Verzuurde drank, verschraalde pijn
Dan jaagt mijn adem door mijn keel
Soms is de kleinste druk te veel
Genadeloos onbuigzaam feit
Maar vroeger raak ik nooit meer kwijt
Mijn onvoltooid verleden zijn
Mijn onvoltooid verleden pijn
Mijn onvoltooid verleden kind
Dat mij nog steeds aan vroeger bind
Genadeloos onbuigzaam feit
Mijn onvoltooid verleden tijd
For me I can say about myself, have come from far. In my puberty I got introvert, absorbing the negativity and stress around me. My mother being the dominant figure and very disturbed, made me hide. I loved her and in my loyalty I tried to be as little problem to her as I could, eating the injustice of her confused mind. Things changed when I left to live in a boy school, and later with my father. The stress left, the asthma left, I got a bit loose. Bigger changes happened after I took sannyas, meditating and looking for the truth. Until I was about 30 years old, I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. This changed with the years.
This period I told my parents it was time to turn things around, and tired as I was of hearing all these different stories from both my parents, I told them I was going to find out the truth about them, and would become the Jury, the Judge and the Executioner. I was fed up with these grown ups behaving so irresponsible with my loyalty and love towards them.
After years of getting involved, discussions, trial and error, I got to a conclusion. I put them into a web page, one for My mother, Nirad Verbeek-Heemskerk, one for my father Jan Frigge. People ask me why I do this, and I answer; 'because I love them'. Being angry is being involved, wanting to invest. With the silence of my mother and the cursing of my father, I am standing in the middle looking them straight in the eyes telling them how I think they are wrong. It's time to act. I am not going to ignore them. When I am at my deathbed I will be able to say I did everything I could to get things whole. Remember, soft doctors make stinking wounds... So here I am shaking this tree...
While in the process, my mother responds silently sending me love as if forgiving again and again is going to work. Things have to change! And I am calling the shots now. It is take it or leave it.
Of course I still have my sister Anjori Boskamp Frigge ... At this moment I have no contact with her. She fucked up after suggesting my father to make a complaint at Yahoo for 'breaking' into my fathers mailbox to get me into jail... She knows Jan Frigge (My father) owns me a lot of money, but chooses to side with my father for unknown reasons. As far as I can think, she is not past the little girl stadium, and wanting her dad's attention and approval, she teams up against her formal so 'weak' 'little' brother. I care less of this inferior behavior and told her to stay out of my sight, which she is doing right now. She is a later issue, coming soon.
So here I am, the 'crusader', standing alone against my opponents, fearlessly ready to oppose any argument from their side, ready to die for the sake of truth and love. Yes my family, here I am!
